"Remember the Thirsty Bridegroom?"

...and then things got weird!

2009-10-28T14:23:00.000-07:00

Um, John Hamm? What's going on here?

Ok, things are back to normal. He's cleaning.

Wow, somebody is VERY tired! (and dramantic!)

Hubert Keller playing the guitar and looking so European! Look at his shoes!

Gordon and Hubert threw a little party.

Is TYRA! thinking about nuclear physics? Who knew?

So while John Hamm and Dr. Drew get down, Jamaica and Nina Garcia dance, and Ina Garten just stands around, Gordon proposes to Elle. Weird proposal.

Are Dr. Drew and John Hamm kissing?!?!! No, it was just the angle. Wa ha ha!

Right after Gordon proposed, he rushed off to bed. Its nice that after their contentious break up that Dr. Drew and Elle can share a dance together. Shortly after this the party ended and Hubert Keller also went up to bed.

And then things got weird!! LOOK AT THIS!!! All of a sudden there was creepy music and THIS appeared! (This was totally unprompted!)

The ghost walked across the room and curled up on the couch for a bit.

Then he stood in front of the stereo and stretched.

Then he went upstairs! OH NO, HUBERT KELLER!

EEEKS!!!

The ghost is thinking about himself?

Oh, hello. Gordon Ramsey and Hubert Keller were very unfazed about all this.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to rest for a minute." The ghost sat on the bed for a bit.

Gordon Ramsey is nothing if not polite!

Gordon chatted with the ghost and nattered on about his recent engagement to Elle.

Apparently, the ghost didn't like that at all!

So Hubert Keller introduces himself and...

POOF! The ghost disappeared. C.R.E.E.P.Y!!!!!! What the heck??!?!?!?!

Breakups, Fights, Flirting, and Tag!

2009-10-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

Emeril asks the maid to play tag. She's into it!

We could see this one coming. Elle broke up with Dr. Drew. Gordon Ramsey literally waits in the wings!

Dr. Drew seems to have moved on -- now he's flirting with the maid.

Awk. ward.

Dr. Drew slaps Gordon Ramsey. I kind of think he's entitled.

FIGHT!

Apparently, its a boring fight. Where are you going, Elle?

Gordon Ramsey, not surprisingly, kicks Dr. Drew's ass.

Everyone seems to have moved on.

Over at Candy's house. The new mom seems to be a little irritated with Mr. Whiskey. (I like how Patrick Ewing takes care of the baby while all the hostilities happen!)

Across the street, Sally Edwards threw a party. Um, Gordon smells, and EVERYONE notices!

Sally Edwards gets friendly with Hubert Keller.

Jamaica and John Hamm share a little smooch.

Beautiful view from Jamaica's house!

On the rocks and a Unicorn! (oh, and Heidi Klum playing the guitar.)

2009-10-15T13:49:00.001-07:00

The Dr. Drew/Elle marriage seems to be a bit on the rocks. Here he flirts with some random neighbor, and Elle isn't liking it. And Heidi Klum accompanies the action on her guitar as Emeril looks on while thinking about teddy bears.

So where is Elle running off to?

OOh! It looks like she's meeting up with hottie new neighbor Gordon Ramsey. And, uh, Hubert Keller. "Hubert? Do you have to go everywhere with Gordon?"

Flirting by the chess game. Hey, why is that lady talking smack about Gordon to Hubert?

Dr. who?? (and that lady is STILL talking about Gordon Ramsey while he's like a foot away!)

Back at the house, still flirting.

Ok, Emeril isn't really just "childlike." He seems to actually be a child! "I like Gordon!"

"I like unicorns!"

"I like dancing with Gordon AND I like unicorns!" Wa ha ha ha ha ha!!

Wow, boogie down, Emeril!

.....and Heidi Klum is STILL playing the guitar!

... still playing!

... STILL PLAYING! Gordon looks a little uncomfortable. "Um, how long do I have to stand here listening to her? I really want to play video games. Uh."

Not Hornblower! Ewing!

2009-10-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

After the party back at her house, Candy doubles over with a labor pain. What does Patrick Ewing do? Walk away -- EVEN THOUGH HE NOTICED! Nice.

So Candy took a cab to the hospital and RAN in! Apparently Patrick Ewing showed up later on his own.

"Um, HELLO! I just had a baby! See?! Could you PLEASE move out of the way??" In-laws. Hmpf.

Oh. Candy. Don't leave the baby there.

That's better. Presenting....HORATIO!

Across the street, Gordon Ramsey and Hubert Keller moved in. In the morning, Hubert was sizing up his roommate like he was taking a movie of him. Awkward.

"I always wanted to be a conductor!"

"Really?? Me too!!!"

Here's the view from the Ramsey-Keller house. Not bad.

They went visiting neighbors. Uh, Hubert? Please step back from the door a bit.

Hubert cried when Jamaica said hello to Gordon first. Whoa! Emotional much?

Gordon started flirting with Elle while Dr. Drew was right there (ALSO talking about being a conductor! What's the deal with that?)! (While Heidi Klum danced with some spiky mohawked dude.)

Now they're dancing together? Hello!?! Dr. Drew???

Elle walked out of the room, and Heidi walked up and awkwardly started playing the guitar. It was a little weird. Gordon was very polite about it.

Bump!

2009-10-13T15:09:00.001-07:00

Jamaica threw a little party. I love to see everyone all dressed up! Don't Elle and Jamaica look great?

Entertain us, John Hamm!

Look! It's Carmella! So nice of you to come! (and who's the dude thinking about Jamaica?? John Hamm better keep an eye on him.)

Is that a little baby bump I see? Candy, do you and Patrick Ewing have some news??

Definitely a little bun in that oven!

Check out Heidi Klum and Carmella sizing each other up! Wa ha ha!!

Crazy old TYRA! and crazy new TYRA! in the same place! That bathing suit is inappropriate.

"Candy, may I touch your belly?" "Why yes!"

"Candy, may I listen to your belly?" (Ok, it would be weird if she HEARD anything!!)

"Hey Jamaica, remember chalkboards?"

Candy's got the pregnant walk.

"Emeril, wanna play foozball?" "Why yes!"

Let's check in with our Sims friends...

2009-10-12T18:14:00.001-07:00

Let's call this "Candy defying the laws of physics" or "What the?!!?!?" (Where is John Hamm when you need him? Look at those unmade beds!)

Mr. Whiskey is about to scare Patrick Ewing. Nice.

Guess who's calling Candy!! Yes, it's Estee. We don't know where she is, but we know she has a phone!

This was just kind of funny. Mr. Whiskey cleaned the counters until they literally sparkled. While over at the other counter, Candy admire's her sparkly ring!

It doesn't look like these two will ever get along.

Wow, this doesn't look good.

Why is Candy sick??

Here is the stadium where Patrick Ewing and Candy got engaged and married (within minutes!) I think a bunch of the sims work here too.

Here is Mr. Whiskey scaring Jazmine. He's just a pleasure to have around.

Ok, so there are burglars in Sims world -- usually they sneak in and take some stuff and there's nothing you can do about it. So the burglar came in the house and Jazmine totally kicked his butt!!

He RAN out of the house!

This was just weird. Jazmine and Sally Edward decided to go out to a diner. Instead of going in, they hung out BEHIND the diner. Real classy, ladies!

But the funny part was that as they were flirting and getting to know each other, this guy showed up.

And then this lady...

And then this dude...

And then this chick...

And they just stood around awkwardly. It was kind of excellent!

Tag! You're It! and Here Comes The Bride and her grumpy new father-in-law!

2009-10-08T15:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is a long one -- several days worth. Here goes...

So after the party, it seems that Elle was still a little upset about him chatting on the phone with Estee. He got a piece of her mind! But they made up pretty quickly.

Heidi Klum and Emeril play tag, like, ALL the time! The hilarious thing is that apparently Emeril is afraid of the dark. So he kept running after her outside and then getting scared. You can see them running through the house while Dr. Drew is on the computer (he better not be chatting with Estee!!) and Elle sleeps in the bed on the porch.

So Candy goes to visit her boyfriend, Patrick Ewing, and gets into a fight with his father, Mr. Whiskey.

Here's Jazmine brushing her teeth in the kitchen sink. Weird.

Patrick Ewing broke the dishwasher. Look at Candy's attitude as she watches Mr. Whiskey try to fix it.

So after Patrick Ewing breaks the dishwasher and has a little tantrum about it, Mr. Whiskey fixes it and Jazmine cleans up while Patrick Ewing SWIMS IN THE POOL!

So that was Tuesday. On Wednesday, I sign on and I can't find Jamaica. Then I find her at old TYRA! house! And she's arguing with Tyson Beckford!

He leaves, so Jamaica just chills out and watches TV. Um, THIS ISN'T YOUR HOUSE!

Jamaica and old TYRA! visit, then Nina Garcia comes home (I'm not sure what's going on with her outfit!) There's Mr. Jay and Tyson too.

Now keep in mind, its like 12:30 a.m. (Sims time) - I'm not sure why Jamaica is there and she won't leave. Now she follows old TYRA! upstairs to chat.

Finally old TYRA! says "Its getting late, don't you think you should leave?" WA HA HA HA HA!!!! Jamaica got the "hint" and RAN out!

Candy and Patrick had a date at the sports arena where she proposed to him. Look how happy he is!

Um, real manly, Patrick!

This is their "Private Wedding." Um, ok.

They get home, rush upstairs. Uh, Mr. Whiskey? Could you give them some privacy??

Finally!

Afterglow!

Like 10 seconds later Jazmine and Mr. Whiskey rush in. Look what Mr. Whiskey is thinking!

But Patrick sticks up for his woman!

And as all this is going on crazy Jazmine takes a shower in her clothes!

Its been a few days. Let's see what's happening...

2009-10-06T15:54:00.000-07:00

Uh-oh! John Hamm wet his pants and in front of his wife! How embarrassing!

He scrubbed the bathtub to make himself feel better.

Emeril never gets tired of playing with toys. I love how his eyes are closed like he's imagining taking that rocket ship into space!

Ok, let's see. Dr. Drew works out (welcome to the gun show!), while Heidi dances in her underwear? and Emeril plays the guitar for Elle? These people need jobs!

So Heidi threw a party. Just as it began, guess who called! That's right -- Estee! He's married now -- she needs to back off. But he took the call and talked to her for a LONG time. There might be trouble in paradise after THAT!

Here are a few party pix. A lot going on... Jamaica likes the music. Who's the lady with the gaucho pants and pancakes?

So why is Tyson running and WHAT is John Hamm about to do??

Um, the party is over John Hamm! You need to leave now.

Sally Edwards Gets Around

2009-10-01T14:56:00.000-07:00

Sally Edwards and Jamaica share an inside joke.

WA HA HA HA HA!! Briefcases are funny. (Candy, whatever you do, stay absolutely still! Wa ha ha ha!)

Sally Edwards hosted a pool party -- it was a big hit! From left to right: Jazmine (swimming in her clothes AND thinking about Mr. Jay!), Elle, Nina Garcia (standing outside the pool), Sally Edwards (with the green diamond!), Patrick Ewing, Mr. Jay

Nina Garcia insulted Sally Edwards. Sally Edwards isn't having THAT!

WOO HOO! High Ten, Emeril!! This party ROCKS!

Patrick Ewing meets the neighbors..

2009-09-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

Patrick Ewing visited the Crazytown house. He and Candy hit it off. "You're pretty."

"Hello Sally Edwards and Random Dude." Jamaica and TYRA! play video games.

"Hi Patrick Ewing! I'm John Hamm! Do you like Groucho Marx??" (I'm beginning to think John Hamm is a little bit of a nerd.)

What a great new neighbor! He even fixes the toilet!

"I heart you, Candy!"

First kiss!

Patrick Ewing decided to throw a party. Looks like Sally Edwards and Jazmine are getting along (wink!) Jazmine is a little inappropriate -- notice her bikini while everyone else is in formal wear.

Flirting! (John Hamm has a tray of cocktails but couldn't get through that door. Not sure what thats about.)

Candy and Patrick Ewing whispering sweet nothings...

Uh oh! Jazmine may be crazy! After the party, she was spotted TALKING to a bowl of food -- and I think she's MAD at it! Wa ha ha!

New Neighbors!

2009-09-29T14:43:00.001-07:00

John Hamm woke up happy! (That's what the big green smiley face means.)

He had to go make the beds though -- this ISN'T the one he slept in! He's good to have around.

So Patrick Ewing moved in across the street. He's an athlete, can't you tell? (His sister Jazmine lives with him -- I didn't get a shot of her yet.)

This is Jazmine and Patrick Ewing's father, MR. WHISKEY!

He's a total grump - Here he's insulting Patrick.

This is Patrick trying to get away from mean old Mr. Whiskey. (Patrick was sad for like a whole day after this!)

Madman gets married!

2009-09-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

Here's a tip! You may have already figured this out, but I just did last night. If you click on the screenshots, it'll open up a bigger version so you can see more of the details. Anyway, on with the action!

Despite Jamaica's periodic rejections, John Hamm proposed!

Not only did she say yes, but she kept jumping up and down with joy!

They selected a "Private Wedding" which apparently means you get married where ever you are as people (Heidi!) walk by. Weird. The old version of Sims knew how to throw a wedding.

Later, when they moved to the Crazytown house, John Hamm was still excited about his wedding earlier in the day. He's doing the Home Alone "YES!" gesture.

Wedding Night spooning! So cute!

Wedding night afterglow. Heh.

Guess who called! Yes, the ever present yet not to be found Estee! She and Jamaica had a long and animated cell phone call!

New neighbors moved in around the corner! Screenshots to come!

Going Steady, Getting Married!

2009-09-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

Things are moving along with Jamaica and John Hamm. He invited her to a nearby cafe. Here they are with some random strangers.

Here it is! The FIRST KISS!

"Should we go steady?" "Yes!"

"Now beat it, I want to sit and read my book." Way to keep your man guessing, Jamaica!

Jamaica rushed home to tell Sally Edwards about her new boyfriend! Although Sally seemed to want to talk about Candy! And Candy is thinking about taking out the stinky trash!

Dr. Drew invited Elle to the beach.

Its a good thing that she's thinking about him WHILE she's hugging him!

Look! It's Tyson, Tyra the first, and Nina!

Dr. Drew went home and jammed to Heidi Klum's guitar playing. It was funny because he bopped back and forth as she played!

The family that had this house before our guys had a baby. Emeril LOVES playing with the toys that were left behind!

I'm not sure how John Hamm and Elle are getting along...

Dr. Drew proposes to Elle! And she accepts!

They got married at the party as the guests looked on. Emeril threw confetti!

John Hamm and Jamaica dance the night away. (Hey, where are Dr. Drew and Elle going? Hee hee.)

I think another wedding is coming...

Estee Has Gone AWOL!

2009-09-26T17:11:00.000-07:00

Not sure what happened, but Estee has gone missing. She is no longer a member of the Crazytown Household, so only Candy, Sally Edwards, Jamaica, and TYRA! remain. It's weird because you can call her. Dr. Drew invited her over -- you'll see below. But I cannot find her. So I created ANOTHER me-type Sim. Her name is Elle, and she's moved in with the Crazytown girls (although I couldn't designate her as a sister.) So anyway, here's some of the more recent goings on:

Across the street, Heidi Klum and Emeril were playing with a teddy bear while compulsively neat John Hamm made the bed.

Here, John Hamm is chatting with Jamaica (despite her rejecting his attempt at a first kiss!) But he's undaunted!

This is when Dr. Drew called Estee over to visit. This is him "confessing his attraction!" Wa ha ha ha! Look at his leg!! In the living room Heidi Klum and John Hamm are reading while Emeril watches TV -- I can't see who he's thinking about.

So Elle has arrived on the scene. It looks like Sally Edwards is gossiping to her about Jamaica!

TYRA! fixes the dishwasher in her lovely outfit. Hey, at least she's handy!

Sally Edwards threw an "awesome" (so the sims declared) party. I'm not sure how awesome it was for Heidi Klum. TYRA! slapped her, kicked her ass, then declared Heidi her nemesis! I guess its not a great party unless a fight breaks out. Thanks, TYRA!

After the party broke up, Jamaica and Candy decided to play video games.

Elle joined in, and so did TYRA! But she is sitting on the floor BEHIND the couch. She can't see the TV!

Ageless with New Neighbors!

2009-09-25T14:56:00.001-07:00

Here the new and non-aging Diana doppleganger, Jamaica, meets John Hamm.

I think he LIKES her!! (Apparently Estee likes her sandwich!)

Maybe its because of how he serenades his roommates, Heidi Klum and Emeril.

Here, the new ageless Laura/Estee meets Dr. Drew. Hello Dr Drew!

A Good OLD Time

2009-09-19T20:02:00.001-07:00

So yesterday Padma threw a birthday party for Hubert. This is when I discovered that if you blow out the candles on a cake you get O.L.D! So here is the NEW Hubert!

And we were SHOCKED to see how Louisa had aged when she arrived at Hubert's party!

Here she is flipping pancakes for breakfast.

Breakfast at the Sai's!

After breakfast, Ming had to rush upstairs to make goofy faces at the mirror. Wah?

So, since all is fair in love and marriage, Louisa threw a birthday party for Ming. Here you see that Julia has picked up some years too! Although, she didn't seem to get as frumpy as Louisa. (Don't laugh, Carmella! I see Father Time sneaking up on you!)

"Happy Birthday to youuuuu!!!"

Yay! Now you're old.

Age doesn't keep Ming and Louisa from enjoying each other!

Sally Edwards Comes to Town

2009-09-17T17:40:00.000-07:00

These aren't in any particular order. Here goes...

Here's the dorm-style house I created to put ALL the sims in. Alas, it wasn't to be. Sims won't allow me to put that many in one place.

Nina Garcia and Mr. Jay have been having trouble getting along...

Sally Edwards made Tyra pee! She had Tyra cornered and she couldn't get to the bathroom. Mr. Jay laughed. Not very nice.

Nina and Jay -- still not getting along.

This is cute. Since the first night, Tyson Beckford and Sally Edward have been sharing a bed. Its purely platonic so far. There just aren't enough beds for everyone. (See Tyra heading up the stairs?)

Tony Bourdain and Padma went to a cafe for a food eating contest (Padma won!), but Tony kept picking fights with dudes walking by. The funny thing is that both times the other dude kicked Tony's butt!

Another fight...

Sally Edwards and her roomies went to meet the Top Chef house. They all jumped in the pool. Hello, Mr. Jay!

You can see the stink rising off Padma. Take a shower, girl!

Here's the gang milling around getting to know each and complaining about hunger.

Finally some of them sat down to eat. Someone broke the dishwasher though -- see the water on the floor?

Sally Edward meeting Hubert as Padma and Tony look on.

Ta-ta for now!

What's Up In Laura's Sim Town??!

2009-09-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

Let's start by seeing who currently lives in town.

First we have the Collichio's - Tom and Julia (inspired by Laura). They like to boogie in the kitchen!

Around the corner live Ming Sai and his lovely wife Louisa (inspired by Diana). They're chatting in the kitchen. Ming seems to like to dress up -- he's in his dinner jacket!

Next we have the Chef House. The Male Maid is at the sink, Molto Mario is cooking something up, Carmella (inspired by Cathy) is having a bite to eat at the counter, Colin Farrell is working on the computer with his back to the camera, Gordon Ramsey is in the bathroom (hee hee.) Ina Garten is asleep out of picture.

Gordon is a little bit of trouble. Here he is sneaking up on Colin. He seems to scare Colin several times a day.

The Top Chef house has Padma (flower in the hair), Sandra Lee (who is C.R.A.Z.Y!), Eric Ripert (shirtless. Me. Ow!), Anthony Bourdain, and Hubert Keller. Hubert didn't make it to breakfast this morning. He's upstairs -- see next screen shot.

Yowza Hubert! How French!

Here Padma and Sandra Lee are sharing a secret.

More soon! I've got a Tyra house to build!

Hey Everybody! It's the Unknown Comic!

2009-03-23T11:37:00.001-07:00

Or is it?

And STAY out!!

2009-02-09T15:29:00.000-08:00

Thanks LOLCats!

Congratulations America!

2009-01-20T13:25:00.001-08:00

We did it!

Milk and Water (Parental Advisory!)

2009-01-18T11:19:00.000-08:00

I LOVE Lewis Black. He is so crude and cranky! (Not suitable for youngsters!)

Brace yourself.

2009-01-13T14:24:00.000-08:00

Rock of What?

2009-01-12T16:30:00.000-08:00

Parental Advisory! This post not suitable for young readers.

It is with some embarrassment that I admit that I have occasionally watched Vh1's Rock of Love. It is horrible like a car wreck -- you cannot look away! It is a testament to feminist values. WA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! It is SO NOT!! It is women at their slutty, vapid best. So this season, which I honestly tried to avoid, feature lovely "ladies" vying for Brett Michael's attention on tour. So that's a little background. But, honestly you don't even need to know all that or any of the contestants to enjoy the following, which is the Television Without Pity recap of the most recent episode. It is hilarious!

It is written by Potes and is entitled

Bride of Skankenstein

It is long but worth it. Enjoy:

Previously on Rock of Love: Bus: Skanks! In all of their drunken, stripping, sloppy, stumbling, squabbling, choking, shotglass-in-the-vagina glory. This morning I totally said a silent prayer of thanks that this show is back on the air.

Bret's lovely ladies awaken and ready themselves for another cotton-mouthed day on the road. Farrah tells us how sad she is that Gia was eliminated. She describes Gia as a cool chick, and a member of the Blondetourage. Who served a shot out of her lady bits, as you may recall. Gia taught all of womanhood a very important lesson, which Farrah recounts for us: "Note to self: do not show your va-jay-jay in public." This has been one to grow on.

Farrah and Megan have a talk as they apply their pounds of makeup, wherein Farrah advises Megan to step it up and ensure that she gets some time with Bret. Megan doesn't want to hang all over Bret. Farrah says that she'd rather hang all over him than not talk to him at all. Farrah, who has her boobs on full display even during this casual makeup session, obviously knows of what she speaks and so I think Megan would be wise to take her advice. Farrah thinks that Megan should say, "Hey! I have an announcement. This is Megan!" And then point to herself. I maybe take back what I just said about Farrah being an Ann Landers-quality advice guru after all. It all falls apart when she gets to the specifics. Megan interviews that she's not going to go up to Bret and get half-naked, because she respects Bret. I'm not going to waste any more time on what she says because with this line of thinking she's obviously going to be eliminated.

Meanwhile, Marcia has made the executive decision to switch buses and get away from her archnemesis, Ashley. She makes it seem like this is all her idea and that the restraining order has nothing to do with it. On one of the buses, the girls find a postcard from Bret. It reads: "Good morning my faithful fifteen -- You're [SIC!!!!!] next stop on our tour is Indianapolis! It's time to see you rocking down the aisle! Write me your wedding vows and bring me a gift showing me exactly who you are. The only way to be by my side, is if I can see you as my bride." Kudos to the VH1 lackey who strove for authenticity by beginning this postcard with the improper use of "you're" and continuing with awkward phrasing and punctuation. It's just as if it had been penned by Mr. Michaels himself! Bret interviews that even though he's never made it down the aisle, marriage is never far from his mind. He assures us that the mock wedding we are about to see will be Bret Michaels-style, with little bags of fishnet-enclosed penicillin as party favors instead of mints. Brittaney interviews that she is psyched to share her wedding vows with the man she's going to be truly in love with for the rest of her life, and says she knows they can be a great team to inspire each other to fly on their beautiful wings of love. Up and above the clouds, the only way to fly. If karma exists, Bret Michaels' first wedding dance will be Clay Aiken doing Jeffrey Osborne.

En route to Indianapolis, the girls take pen to paper to write their vows. Marcia says she's not good at this, and Samantha tells her to just start writing shit down and, if all else fails, drink. However, Marcia announces that this is her day off. She's worried that Bret will think all she wants to do is get drunk and get in fights, so she's drying out and slowing down. Beverly, who is writing with a bright yellow pen she bullied off some poor third-grader, in a notebook that says "rock n' roll" on the cover and which will doubtlessly kept in her Trapper Keeper, is also having a hard time with this challenge. She says she'd much rather jump off something, or ride a bull, or wrestle a pig than pour her feelings out on a piece of paper. Hearty and emotionally retarded! I think she might be just the girl for Bret Michaels after all.

Meanwhile, there's fucking Constandina. She has something special she wants to give Bret as a gift. It's classy and artsy and different, she says -- in fact, it's probably different than anything Bret's ever seen. She's belly dancing in the aisles of the bus as she says this, her third eye all ablaze. And then, it's the greatest clip of the episode. As Marcia reads through her vows with Beverly, Constandina writhes in the background like a cat with a broken pelvis feebly attempting to convince the alley she's in heat. I mean, it's making me hot and I'm not even in the room. Hiyo!

The girls pull up to a church where Bret awaits them. One member of the Blondetourage thinks it's a school. And I mean, I never go to church, but at least when I see a big steepled building with a cross on it I have some flicker of recognition. Farrah tells the Lord that she's sorry she's a painted slut with her boobs all the way out, and asks for forgiveness. I bet the Lord is still totally cracking up about Constandina's dance and is in such a good mood that He'll give Farrah a pass. Bret tells the ladies that they all look smoking beautiful before noting that there are wedding dresses and accessories and all kinds of "wedding-ish stuff" in the chapel. The ladies should dress themselves in whatever way they think most befits them, and also bring him gifts. Like a dowry of silicone. Bret has an awesome date planned for the three girls who impress him the most, and those who don't impress him at all may go home. Kelsey tells us that she's from Utah, the land of Mormons and polygamists, so she's totally comfortable with a 15:1 bride-groom ratio.

While most of the ladies scramble to dress themselves in the black and pink lace-up see-through wedding finery (thanks, sponsor Vera Wang!), Beverly refuses to wear any of it. She says that if she marries Bret Michaels she's not going to walk down the aisle looking like a freaking hooker. This is why she won't be marrying Bret Michaels. For a second I thought maybe Bret would impress us all and appreciate Beverly's cool authenticity above all other slutty overtures. Then I saw Ashley's boobs and the black censor box over her crotch as she lay on the floor and I came back to reality.

Oh, and holy crow. Bret Michaels has his own special wedding tux muscle tee for the occasion, and a lesbian named Peggy Sue playing the Wedding March (poorly) on an electric guitar. Elegance! To think that eighth-grade me once dreamed of being in the position of these brides-to-be. Brittaney is first coming down the aisle in a relatively (considering the crowd) modest black and white ensemble. She thinks that being a singer-songwriter and having a way with words will give her an advantage in this competition. Do you think it will trump the disadvantage she has in being a total fucking loon? She tells Bret that she has laid her heart on the line and apologizes in advance for getting emotional. Just like she had to do when filming Party Bus Pussy Patrol 3. Seriously, just Google "Brittaney Starr filmography." Brittaney starts off kind of nicely, and then Bret looks down and notices that she has FIVE PAGES of vows written. Bret thinks that Brittaney is either madly in love with him or clinically insane. A little from column A, a lot from column B. Brittany tells Bret, as part of her vows, that she will be his umbrella (ella ella) in the rain, and that if there's ever a tear to fall from his perfect face, she will kiss it away until a tender smile blesses her. Is this bitch for real? Bret tells us in no uncertain terms that a tear is about to fall right now. It is a tear of boredom, and probably terror. The other girls fan themselves and reflect on how lame Brittaney is. One really does expect more from a star of Rocks that Ass 21: Asses Are Forever. [Side note: I didn't realize there were so many sequels in porn!]

Farrah, meanwhile, is confident that Bret will not be able to resist the way her boobs are hanging out and that she will win. Her theory of action is as good as any other, if you ask me. She reads her vows from beneath a fuzzy pimp hat: "Bret, if you marry me a smoking hot blonde is what you're going to see. We can party and have a great time and occasionally you can hit it from behind." Shakespeare tried in vain to come up with such an elegant couplet. Bret is impressed, even with the "occasionally" caveat. We then get a montage of Bret making out with some mildly impressive ladies who promise to be hot in the sack and, in Kelsey's case, have particularly athletic boobs. I didn't realize there was a talent portion of the wedding. Marcia promises to cook Bret rocking food and not ever wear panties. Bret's response? "Hiyooooo!" Constandina belly dances down the aisle like the crackhead that she is. She wants to enchant Bret like a snake charmer. Bret's response? "That is Taj Ma-HIYOOOOO!" Sometimes I can't help but love Bret a little. Samantha is boring and knows she's boring even when she looks like a slut. That's just sad. She tells us that she's in love with Bret and totally would marry him if he asked. Her vows include telling him that she's easy. It is a testament to how boring and unsexy she is that Bret just thinks it's awkward.

Then we have Beverly who walks down the aisle in jeans and a motocross shirt. Bret appreciates her awesome gear, but Ashley's delicate sensibilities are offended by the fact that Beverly doesn't look like a total slut. Yeah, what a jerk. Beverly takes off the motocross shirt and gives it to Bret along with a helmet. He's actually pretty impressed, despite the fact that he's also disappointed that her striptease doesn't have a part two. Bret tells us that Beverly might not be the sexiest-dressed girl there, but she has mad gift-giving skills. Then there's my idol, Natasha, who gives Bret a blow-up doll. Ashley thinks that the blow-up doll looks more like a woman than Natasha does, and that maybe Bret will get rid of Natasha and keep the doll. Ashley is at once horrifying and kind of awesome. Mindy -- who? -- gives Bret a plaster torso that she's made of herself. Natasha thinks that a Buffalo Bill-style skin suit is next, but the hotness outweighs the creepiness for Bret. Put the lotion in the basket, Bret.

Next is Melissa. When she gets to Bret, she pulls out a two-dollar bill. She says that when season two ended she made a wish on the two-dollar bill. Her wish came true, because she's standing there with Bret. First of all, the fuck? And second, you have a magic two dollar bill and THIS is your wish? Melissa interviews that the two-dollar bill has been in her family for many years. She wants to give it to Bret, so he can make a wish on it, too. Bret wishes that Melissa would stop being so pathetic. He doesn't know what's worse -- that the two-dollar bill is her family's heirloom, or that she's giving it to him. There's really no way to choose. And then freaking Megan gives Bret stuffed animals. I mean, I know she's an animal trainer, but, in the words of Bret, "You do know I'm a rock star, right?" Then there's Brittanya, who tells Bret that she wants him to be her man and her lover, too, and anything he asks she'll do. He stops her right there and rips off her white veil. Bret says, quite correctly, that Brittanya is smoking hot, and that's enough for him. For her gift, Brittany gives him a piercing and says when they're better friends he can put it back where it belongs. A heavenly beam hits Bret's face and the other girls realize they've been trumped. Except for Taya, who would hope that her counterparts have more class than to give Bret their vaginal piercings. Taya much more classily gives Bret two framed photos of her Penthouse centerfolds along with the lingerie she wore in her first major spread. Farrah is sick of Taya's Penthouse Pet holier-than-thou shtick, but Bret loves the gift.

The ladies all gather together with Bret as he declares the winners of the date with him. Brittaney thinks that Bret was touched by his vows and hopes he'll pick her. As comes as a surprise to no one else, he does not. Instead he picks Taya, Brittanya, and Farrah. Brittaney is hurt because she put so much time and effort into her vows. Well, that was her first mistake. Did she learn nothing on the set of Rectal Rooter 9? The ladies exit the church to find a big crowd cheering for them. To add a note of gravity to the occasion, there's a fat guy in flip flops and cut off denim shorts blowing bubbles. Awesome. Back on the bus, Brittaney starts bawling. She's broken hearted because she wanted to have some time with Bret. Ashley chimes in with a sympathetic, "Shut the fuck up." Brittaney cries and asks if she wasn't good enough. Ashley tells her that Bret obviously didn't like her vows, and so he didn't pick her for a date. That is some kind of awesome tough love. Natasha tells Brittaney to stop it, and Ashley tells her to pull the little curtain over her bus bed.

The tour buses pull into a hotel. Brittaney is feeling totally hurt and disrespected by girls she thought were her friends. But who cares about feelings, because the girls are at Fantasy Suites, where there are rooms with alien themes, and Cadillac themes, and Venetian holiday themes and more! I'm always kind of intrigued by those hotels, but then the Dateline blacklight episode comes flooding back to me with a vengeance and I realize the true bacterial danger lurking within.

Big John gathers the girls for a reception to be held outside. There's a cake and Bret and lots of alcohol and plastic forks. The elegance continues! And then it's time for dancing. Lap dancing. Marcia falls all over Bret, because apparently her day of drying out is over. Melissa is sober and refuses to dance for Bret, but Kelsey shows off some unexpected skills. Maria reminds us that she's a retired model and refuses to get up and fall on her ass and show off her lack of coordination. Brittaney, meanwhile, is sitting alone at a table and is appalled at the fact that Bret obviously has some favorites among the crowd. She thinks he's biased and decides to step things up a notch and show a) that she has a good soul; b) that she's acrobatic and a lot of fun to be with. So Brittaney heads inside, puts on her postage-sized bikini and some bronzer, and then heads back outside to ill-advisedly show her stuff. Ashley, increasingly a comic genius, interviews that she didn't even know they made bikinis in size "fat fuck." Brittaney gets on all fours and crawls toward Bret, then sticks her head between his legs and does a headstand. It might be vaguely sexy if it weren't entirely terrifying. The other girls are cracking up. Because they're jealous of Brittaney's moves. According to Brittaney.

The party moves inside, where it's time for some serious business. The ladies are going to play "Are You Smarter Than a Rock Star" for three VIP passes, which will allow them to steal some one-on-one time with Bret at any time, even if he's with another woman. Maria, because she has a brain cell left, thinks she might stand a shot. Big John reads the first question -- how many months have 28 days? Some girls scream out "one," while others look puzzled. The answer is "all of them." No one, including Bret, gets it right. That's a trick question, and this is a stupid game. The next question: Bret has 16 girls on a bus. If three of them pass out, how many ménage a trois can he have in one night? And wait...what's the plural of ménage a trois? Menage a troises? Menages a trois? Bret probably knows. He certainly knows the answer to this question, which is six and a half. The questions are dumb, and the scene is pandemonium. Brittanya interviews that she doesn't think anyone was answering the questions right, but she really doesn't know because she's not that smart. I love how "I'm not that smart" is totally Brittanya's disclaimer. She says it in, like, every other interview. Taya racks up a few points, and Brittaney gets yet more unfair treatment as none of the correct answers that she shouts out are recognized. According to her. Brittanya takes a different strategy and just starts making out with Bret. Who's the smart one now?

In the end, Bret decides to give the passes to three hot girls that he wants to talk to -- Brittanya, Taya, and Natasha. Brittaney, who has continuous psycho music playing faintly behind her whenever she talks, is pissed that Natasha got a pass. As Bret makes out with just about everyone in the room, Brittaney gets more and more crackheaded and upset, because that's how she rolls. Natasha, meanwhile, is excited and ready to do some damage with her pass.

Back in the hotel suites, several girls talk about what a crackhead Brittaney is, and Ashley says that she just turned 59. Ashley = secret greatest! It's such a revelation. Just as Natasha is saying that Brittaney needs to understand not to fuck with her, Brittaney comes in to fuck with her. Ironically, she tells Natasha not to fuck with her and also calls her "baby girl." Hmm. Natasha bounces around in her cute nightgown singing a song called, "He loves me, he loves you not." Brittaney then tells Natasha that she got nothing right, and only got the $^%$#@! thing because she's black. That is totally not cool, yet also completely true. Brittanya slowly backs out of the room. Natasha quite mysteriously comes back with, "You tan to get closer to my complexion, bitch." It's not so much what she says as the volume and accompanying finger pointing with which it's being said. Even though it seems as if Natasha might kill Brittaney, Brittaney does not stop, saying that Natasha is only there because of the race card. I don't think I need to point out to you the irony in the fact that this accusation is coming from the star of Bang My Tight White Ass and Black Cravings 7. Natasha holds up her VIP Pass as the last word. But it is not the last word. The last word would belong to Brittaney who says, "My grandfather's black." I wonder what Barack Obama thinks about all this.

Brittaney then starts crying and says she wants to go home. She is shocked that anyone would think she's racist, and again says that her grandfather was a beautiful black man. In an interview, Brittany cries and says that she feels awful because everyone is picking on her. As we focus in on the alien-themed room we hear Brittaney sobbing and saying, "I wanna go home. My mom loves me, and my family loves me, and wowehsooooooo. I wanna go home!" Notice she doesn't mention her black grandfather loving her. Maybe her black grandfather is Sammy Davis Jr. It would make as much sense as anything else about Brittaney.

But enough with the squabbling. It's time for Taya, Brittanya, and Farrah to have their date with Bret. The girls ride out to the country, and Farrah wonders where the French they are. Farrah interviews that she's not an outdoorsy sort of girl, as we might be able to tell, and is scared of snakes and spiders and creepy crawly bugs that can get on her. She is facing her fears hard core by allowing Bret Michaels to get close to her. The girls end up at a farm with a pumpkin patch and horses. Bret greets them with a plaintive, "Ah, my future ex-wives." They are in Greenfield, Indiana, and are about to go on a hayride. At one point Bret's wig blends in with the hay like some sort of super-stealth camouflage. The hayride is bumpy and not that exciting, so the four settle in for lunch. And then, Taya starts cutting the corn off of Bret's cob. That is not a euphemism. What the French, indeed?

The other girls are sick of all the attention that Taya is getting, and so Brittanya busts out her VIP pass. Taya thinks it's stupid to waste it when you're already sitting next to Bret, but Brittanya makes the most of her time. She lies to Bret that he's the hottest guy she's ever seen, and he acknowledges that he wants to have hot sex with her. And he wants to have a conversation with her, too. But mostly the hot sex. Meanwhile, Farrah and Taya are sick of sitting alone on a bench in the sun with their boobs sweating. They go back and interrupt Brittanya and Bret's one on one time. Brittanya conjectures that they're jealous, and she's probably right. Bret says that he's going to have Big John pack up some of the food to go, and the date is over.

Back at the hotel, the rest of the girls decide to have some shots to ease their pain at not being selected for the date. As it turns out, former archenemies Ashley and Marcia have bonded over their love of tequila and are now BFFs. They wear matching sunglasses and have matching earrings and drunkenly love each other. I can't wait for the moment when this happy ending turns to disaster again.

And then it's time for some of the girls to get a little time with Bret on his tour bus. Melissa doesn't think that the girls who won the date deserved it, and she's ready to tell Bret how she feels. She sits her haggard face on his couch and says that he should send her home. He asks why, and she says that there are so many girls who want to do him. If she's going to be with him, it's him and her and that's it. Bret says that Melissa is sending him some strange mixed signals. First she wants to go home, then she wants to stay, then she wants to go home, then she wants to stay. Mostly, I think she wants attention. And she gets it by sucking the lips off of Bret's face. He's digging it.

Marcia then goes on the bus in her bikini and black wedding veil. Bret knows that Marcia is Brazilian and likes to drink, but doesn't know much else about her. He notes that she gets feisty, and perhaps angry, when she drinks. Marcia says she's brutally honest, and will tell somebody if she feels mistreated. Bret suggests that she forego the "brutal" part. Marcia interviews that she's a sweet Brazilian bombshell. She kisses Bret and he's feeling it, but he notes that every day with her is like Carnivale. He hopes that they can get past the party long enough to get to know each other. He adds that if he got pulled over after sucking face with Marcia he'd fail the breathalyzer test. And also the "you totally kissed a girl with vomit-mouth, stud" test. After she leaves he has a curiously strong mint, hopefully with anti-bacterial properties.

And then Bret gets some time with Constandina. He notes that she's a very passionate, sexual person. She agrees, and says that she thinks about sex 24 hours a day. Maybe it's the third eye? Oh, but then. Constandina tells Bret that she took a religious vow that she wouldn't have "all the way" sex for three years. Well no wonder she thinks about sex all the damn time! She interviews that she respects her body, and believes that the human body is a beautiful and sacred thing. Having seen Brittaney's body, I must respectfully disagree. Bret wonders where in the three-year vow period she is. He interviews that he's hot for Constandina, but not having "all the way" sex with her could be a dealbreaker.

Oh, and then there's Brittaney. She's upset and is going to tell Bret how she feels. She talks to him about how she was so unfairly attacked the night before for no reason. The ghost of Brittaney's black grandfather then totally plays a flashback of Brittaney telling Natasha she got the pass because she's black. Bret tells Brittaney that he doesn't want to cut her off, but he has to get ready for elimination. Meanwhile, he totally wants to cut her off.

It's elimination time! Megan interviews that she's nervous, because she thinks she's maybe too normal to be there. On the other end of the "too normal to be there" spectrum is Constandina, who feels good about the few moments she spent alone with Bret. She thinks that there are sparks that, if fed, could turn into a blazing fire. But not a blazing fire of "all the way" sex. Maybe Constandina should audition for whatever show has the winner being boyfriend-girlfriend with a Jonas brother. Marcia simply says that she's too much fun to leave and ends her interview with an enthusiastic, "Tequila!" At least she's consistent.

The girls line up to learn whose tour is going to end right here, right now. The first girl that Bret calls is Brittanya. He's so hot for her. She's not surprised, because she's hot, real, and a sweetheart. Taya is next to be called. She thinks that even though she got her pass second, Bret was feeling her more than anyone else. Natasha is called next, which burns Brittaney's one-quarter black butt. Next called are Farrah, Ashley, Kelsey, Beverly, Mindy, and Maria. There are six girls left, and three passes. How many ménage(s) a trois(es) can Bret have now? He calls down the three troublemakers -- Marcia, Melissa and Brittaney. I think that's one troublemaker and two crackheads. Brittaney interviews, weeping, that it's really important for her to stay because she really felt a connection with Bret. She says that her life's changed, she's matured a lot, she's not that wild and crazy naked person anymore, and she wants a family. Brittaney is wearing the Designer Imposters "Stank de la Desperacion" fragrance. And boy does it waft. Bret tells Brittaney that a lot of people dislike her, and she causes a lot of problems. Melissa is hot and cold and jealous of Bret talking to other girls. And Marcia has been in an altercation with everyone on the show. However, Bret has a connection with each of these ladies, and/or they are endlessly amusing to the home viewing audience, so they get to stay. What can Bret say, he likes trouble.

This of course means that Constandina, Megan and Samantha go home. Constandina interviews that she's disappointed, because she thought this was Rock of Love and not Rock of Fucking. I guess they don't get VH1 at the foothills of the Appalachian mountains. Samantha even gives a boring exit interview. Meanwhile, Brittaney interviews how happy she is that Bret can see through all the catty fakeness that surrounds her. Her staying is a big fuck you to the rest of them, she says. And a big belated Christmas present for us. If Gentlemen Prefer Anal didn't break her spirit, nothing can!

Next week: Illinois! And hockey with Lacey. And implant popping. And Bret totally tells someone to get the fuck out at elimination!

Potes should get hazard pay for this. Sympathize at potesypotes@gmail.com.

I believe that this show is why the rest of the world hates America. Don't ya think?

Happy New Year!!!

2008-12-30T11:21:00.000-08:00

What the heck is going on with THESE two?!?!
I like how the bird is all sidling up to the cat, "I'm not looking at you as I pet you with my claw..."
And the cat is all "what the heck is this? A foot? A comb? Hey, don't pet my face!"
And the bird is all "I'm still not looking at you!"
And the cat is all "can I eat this??"
And the bird is all "Not if I eat you first! (In slow motion.)"

Cat and parrot

Just a little something funny to start off the 2009 right! (Yes, I said "the 2009" and I meant it!)

.

To All My Fellow Welsh Girls!

2008-12-22T16:28:00.000-08:00

This is a group called Utah Saints. I don't know anything about them except that Spin Magazine named this video the 13th best of 2008. Enjoy!

Happy Birthday Diana!!!!!

2008-12-13T06:30:00.000-08:00

To the best big sis EVER! I LOVE YOU!!!

'Tis the Season!!!

2008-12-10T06:48:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone!

I know I've been remiss about our blog, so Cardiff nudged me to post a festive quickie. I'm not objective about it, but my head blows off because of the high cuteosity factor. I wanted to share it with you all.

Happy Holidays!!!

Love,

ELC

This is how I go down the stairs...

2008-11-09T16:00:00.000-08:00

You. And me. Together.

2008-11-07T13:50:00.000-08:00

It's A Brand New Day from Will.i.am.

Yes, We Can! Vote.

2008-11-03T15:48:00.000-08:00

WOOOOOO!!! and WAH????

2008-10-30T15:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, first of all...woooooo hooooooooooo!!!! Congratulations Phillies!!

But then, there's this:

What the heck are these? They appeared behind our building about a week ago. At first I thought it was one of the tenants getting rid of stuff. But it's still there. It makes me extremely uneasy. I don't understand the point of them. Is it supposed to be cute? its just kind of disturbing. And the tenants, who moved in a few months ago, seem really nice and normal. I don't know what to make of it, so I had to share it with you.

A little of this and a little of that about Palin

2008-10-18T11:53:00.000-07:00

Amy Pohler Rocks! (or Raps!)

And now, something more serious...

You've got to love some kerrrazy corgis!

2008-10-06T15:56:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year! Happy Rosh Hashanah!

2008-09-30T16:45:00.000-07:00

We had off today because of Rosh Hashanah. I went up to the Philadelphia suburbs for the day. I had some errands to run - things to pick up and a bank account to close.

I went to visit Mom. (I don't know if it's weird to take a picture of her headstone, but I thought it looked pretty with the flowers. So there.)

Then I went to visit Gus in his classroom. They were heading down to lunch -- I tagged along. He had a lot of cheese with some baked potato and some baked chicken. It was so nice to see him. I miss him SOOOO much!!

Then I went and met up with Diana. We went to the Wawa for sandwiches. I almost miss the Wawa as much as Gus! Oh Mighty Wawa!

Here's a weird picture of my wonderful sister! (It looks like she's on Mars or something!) I miss seeing Diana every day. Its just so easy when we hang out together. Sigh.

And here's just a little something. It's good! Look at the back feet! LOOK AT THEM! Excellent.

H

Tina Fey Rocks!

2008-09-28T06:38:00.000-07:00

(My apologies! Apparently NBC only wants us to watch THEIR version, not anything from YouTube. So here you go!)

Now I've Seen Everything!

2008-09-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

This is just so bizarre.

Sink Showering Monkey

This is for Beth!

2008-09-10T19:11:00.000-07:00

Someone pointed out that the recently ousted Terri from Project Runway looks sort of like Rick James. Here is a photo of Terri (and Blayne. He also got the boot this week.) You can decide.

So in Terri's honor, here is my favorite Rick James moment from the Chappelle Show...

Terri, we'll miss your terrible attitude!

Reporting for Grouch News Network (you think I'm kidding!)

2008-09-10T16:56:00.000-07:00

How can you NOT love Anderson Cooper!!

Happy 1st Birthday Cardiff!!!!

2008-09-07T15:01:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe it, but the little Norwich Man is already 1 year old. What could be better than celebrating your first with a mighty pig ear?!?!
Thought you might enjoy.......

And now? Some kittens!

2008-09-01T16:13:00.000-07:00

Enjoy.

Keeping Our Fingers Crossed...

2008-08-31T18:50:00.000-07:00

So Wonderfully Wrong!

2008-08-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

more animals

Thanks Lolcats!

Honestly, Is There Anything Better Than Synchronized Swimming?

2008-08-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

Would this be better with lights on their costume? Here's the article.

Synchronized individual swimming? How can that be? While I loved her super dramatic intro on the pool deck (she is SUPER committed), without a partner or team, isn't this just someone thrashing around in the pool? (and those commentators NEVER stop talking!)

And the best ever...

(Edited) I've added a few more since ELC enjoyed the others so much!

I LOVE how they march up on stage!

Here's another non-synchronized swimming related video. I like how he keeps protesting, but no one cares!

I'm thinking of you

2008-08-15T03:59:00.000-07:00

Good morning my "sisters"
I just wanted to let you know all three of you are in my heart (always, but especially today). If the road to crazy town tries to lure you in, just think about what a rockin' Welsh tea party is going on above us!
I love you all very much,
Beth

Yes, he said 8 to 10 THOUSAND calories!

2008-08-12T10:35:00.000-07:00

And apparently, as hard as he tries, he can't get over 200 pounds!

Oh, and congratulations to Michael Phelps for winning the most gold medals in Olympic history! Not too shabby!

Ok, let's look for a minute at YUMMY Ian Thorpe. The Thorpedo! He's not swimming in this Olympics, but I just think he is SO delicious!

Um, I'm not sure what is going on here, but he still looks good.

Ok, I don't want that to be the photo that lingers in your mind. So here is an Ian Thorpe palate cleanser.

How Y'All Doin'!

2008-08-11T15:19:00.000-07:00

I bring to you the "Traditions of the South" portion of the 1996 Atlanta Olympics opening ceremony. It is breathtaking. I beg you to watch the video in its entirety, particularly take note of what arrives around the 3 minute mark. Who says our young nation doesn't have culture! Take this, I say!!

The Wave!
Clogging Cheerleaders!
More Cheerleaders!
Pickup trucks!
Synchronized (not menacing!) pickup trucks! (Maybe if there were 1,996 pickups crashing around, that would have been more spectacular.)

Surely the Chinese were inspired by how the US did it!

Now here is how it should be done. (Unfortunately I couldn't find good video of the ceremony. I wonder if NBC had something to do with that.)

Alpacas!

2008-07-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

This is just funny. I don't know why.

Not Without The Deity, Baby!

2008-07-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

That's the Colorado state motto (without the "Baby" of course). I spent the past week in Colorado Springs where I attended a conference about the brain and how boys and girls learn differently and the benefits of single-sex education. Anyway, the mountains were so beautiful and the weather just lovely (warm, but dry and breezy, and cool in the evenings.) I have a ton of photos to post, so let's just get to it.

Here is the view from the conference which was held at the University of Colorado -- Colorado Springs:

This is the campus deer. There were multiple sightings of this guy. He was not afraid of the hustle and bustle of the campus (In addition to our conference, there was a girls' volleyball camp and a boys hockey camp!)

We had at least three meals here! When Ashley (a teacher at my school) and I arrived on Sunday, we were hankering for some chips and salsa (and margaritas!) We drove around until we found Jose Muldoon's and they did NOT disappoint!

On Tuesday night, the conference sponsored an evening outing to the Flying W Ranch for dinner and a Western show. So for $20 a person, they packed us into about a million picnic tables. A folksy cowboy (way up front on stage) proceeded to spend a good 30 minutes describing what we were getting for dinner and how we were to get it.

We basically went through a chow line where they put stuff on our tin plate (just like the cowboys!): BBQ chicken, baked potato, what they claimed to be famous beans which they said the cowboys called "whistle-berries." That one's for you, Gus!), applesauce, biscuits, spice cake, and lemonade. The food was good, but this is low overhead stuff. We sensed a LOT of profit going on! The show after dinner was a western band. It was ok. We left after about 10 minutes.

On Thursday, after the conference was over, we took a short drive to the Garden of The Gods. It is stunning, spectacular and beautiful. It's just unreal. This photo is from the visitors center. Can you spot the "Kissing Camels?"

This ominous sign greeted us on the trail that goes through the park:

Friday morning was time to take the Cog Railway to the top of Pike's Peak. Pikes Peak is 14,110 feet above sea level. The Cog Railway only allows you to stay at the Peak for 40 minutes because of altitude sickness. On the railway, at one point our climb was so steep that the guide pointed out that if you fell down the central aisle from front to back, it would be the equivalent of a 3-story drop. Yowza!

Here is a Yellow - Bellied Marmot (whistle pig) that wandered up to the side of our train while we waited for a descending train to pass. He and a friend just wandered around the train, unafraid. We suspected that passengers must have dropped food out for them in the past for them not to be wary of us.

This is the Peak! You wouldn't want to overshoot this station stop! Yikes!

After our descent, we went to The Loop in Manitou Springs where we had a delicious meal. I had tacos -- these were yummy! Not like Taco Bell or Ortega! We also had what they claimed to be world famous margaritas with our lunch. Clearly it was too soon after our high altitude experience! After half a glass, I was definitely feeling a buzz (or Rocky Mountain High!) and switched to water!

Our last stop was the Manitou Springs Cliff Dwellings. It was kind of strange because it was right off the main highway and you could park right next to them. Not to mention that the redness of them made them look kind of fakey even though they ARE authentic. It was just strange.

I caught my 7 a.m. flight out of Denver the next morning, picked up my Owain, and returned to Baltimore! It was a good trip, but I was ready to get home.

My DREAM Date!

2008-07-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

Cathy suggested the new section to the right --->> after I confessed to her that I'd recently had a dream that featured celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey as my boyfriend. I have to say, he was very solicitous and affectionate. We spent some time gossiping about the contestants on his show "Hell's Kitchen."

Here are some previous celebrity dream boyfriends. I don't know what it all means.

Mandy Patinkin. This was during his time on Chicago Hope. Weirdly, I had SEVERAL dreams about him. In one dream he and I went to a party on a yacht, and his wife was there in a wheel chair! (I know, its sad that I still remember. But that was kind of weird!)

Later on it was Jimmy Smits. Yowza! Now THAT makes sense.

Just to be clear, this has nothing to do with my TV boyfriend, Keith Olbermann, who I love in real life! (And have actually never dreamed about.) I will certainly try to keep you up to date on my celebrity "dream" boyfriends!

Too Much Information! and A Great Birthday!

2008-07-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, first the too much information part. Today I went to Walgreens to get a bunch of things for my upcoming trip. My purchase included makeup foundation, travel size shampoos and conditioner, immodium, aspirin, and purel hand sanitizer. So I take my items up to the register where the older male cashier starts ringing things up. As he's doing this he says,

"Immodium is the best thing! Well maybe its not a good thing, but you know. I wish I'd invented it!!"

At this point the thought bubble over my head is saying,

"STOP TALKING ABOUT IMMODIUM!!!"

But he continued in a sort of way that I think HE wanted to stop but couldn't,

"Because I know I buy a lot of it! You know how sometimes you wake up in the morning and think, 'It's going to be an Immodium sort of day!'"

At this point I started to actually recoil to which he responded,

"I guess its not a great thing to talk about."

Needless to say, I paid as quickly as I could and got the heck out of there. I got out to the car and could not stop laughing about it!

* * *

So enough of that! Now let's talk about something a billionty times more pleasant, Diana and Gus's visit to Baltimore for my birthday!

Here are some photos of their arrival. A certain little Welsh corgi is SOOOOO happy!

They arrived late morning. We chatted for a little and I showed them around my apartment. Gus declared that it was really nice! Then we headed down to the Inner Harbor where we went to the National Aquarium. It was good. They have a special Australian Rainforest exhibit in addition to the regular fishy exhibits. I think our favorite things were the manta rays and the coral reef. I have to say that my favorite fish names (both from Australia, by the way!) were the Sooty Grunter and the Mouth Almighty. That's you!

So after the Aquarium (which Gus declared "an awesome experience!") we headed over to the ESPN Zone for lunch where we had a delicious meal. Here are my birthday guests:

We had a birthday dinner of nachos and had a very pleasant evening.

Tuesday morning we went to Miss Shirley's for breakfast.

Gus had the Gooey Cinnamon Roll, also known as the sugar-coma-inducing tower of cinnamon rolls!

Diana had the Breakfast Banana Split. Because of its healthy nature, she was initially reluctant to get it, but it was delicious!

And I had Blueberry Pancakes -- an old standby that you can't go wrong with! And I didn't! It was yummy!

After breakfast, Diana and Gus hit the road to head home. It was so much fun to see them and celebrate my birthday with two of my most favorite people! I hope they come back soon!

Best. Catnip. EVER!!!

2008-07-04T16:12:00.000-07:00

Recently, I ordered the pets' flea meds online. When the stuff arrived they included a little plastic bag of catnip. The other day I tore open the bag and put the whole thing in an old sock and tied the other end. Earl LOVED it!! (ironically, the screen capture that Youtube put on the video is of Vivian. As you'll see, she didn't really get to partake of the catnip.)

Happy Birthday to Me!

2008-07-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

Ok, I guess the country goes first. Happy Independence Day!

So anyway, yesterday I got my first birthday greeting! There was a box and inside was:

This is Natty Boh (National Bohemian Beer) gear from my best cousin!! Natty Boh: From the Land of Enchanted Living (that's Baltimore! No, really! It IS!)

Oh, and here are my nutty cats freaking out over the birds eating the berries off the porch roof.

Happy July!

2008-07-02T07:18:00.001-07:00

Get ready, my fellow residents of Crazy Town!

In case you thought this might be staged or a fake, read here.

Our own rainbow!

2008-06-23T17:20:00.000-07:00

This is what I saw when I took Owain out for a short walk this evening...

What a delightful surprise!

The Little Ship

2008-06-19T10:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, at Tim Russert's memorial service, Maria Shriver recited the following poem. She said that a friend had given it to her when she was struggling with the death of her cousin, JFK Jr.

The Little Ship

I stood watching as the little ship sailed out to sea. The setting sun tinted his white sails with a golden light, and as he disappeared from sight a voice at my side whispered, "He is gone".

But the sea was a narrow one. On the farther shore a little band of friends had gathered to watch and wait in happy expectation. Suddenly they caught sight of the tiny sail and, at the very moment when my companion had whispered, "He is gone" a glad shout went up in joyous welcome, "Here he comes!"

Of course I totally cried hearing this. It reminded me of when Mom was in hospice and I imagined Grandma, Aunt Nan, Uncle Ted, Rolly, Aunt Margie, Mom's father all waiting together at Mom's bedside for her to rejoin them.

Oh, and the Russert service concluded with the Israel Kamakawiwo'ole ukulele version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Within a few minutes of the service's completion, a large double rainbow appeared over Washington DC.

Hm.

How About Calling it America's Bottom Chef?!

2008-06-05T18:08:00.000-07:00

Forgive the completely text-based rant (Editor's note: see oh-so-flattering photo added below), but please, oh please, will someone tell me what Lisa is doing still on the show????!!!! Now that CG got me completely sucked in (although I cannot watch the "improv" episode one more time), I'm totally baffled.

I have to confess that each time I changed my picks on Facebook, I was totally wrong. I thought Dale would take it even though he is very unpleasant. Why can't they just get along like Mario and Bobby did in CG's world? Dale was so negative that I didn't even mind blowing my prediction.

But talk about unpleasant - "it would have been nice if you had said congratulations to me!" What??? And my favorite "you seem like you think the wrong person went home." Uh, YES! Why would we want a defensive, grouchy chef who has received consistent cool feedback that her food doesn't have enough taste, instead of someone who the judges twice said "she really cooks from the heart." I'm sorry CG - I know Tom is one of your celebrity boyfriends (nowhere near dreamy Ken, I know), but I just don't get why he seems to really hate Lisa's food but then fight for her to stay on the show.

Now, about this weather...hee, hee.

Howard's Hidey Hole!

2008-05-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, there is so much to love about this:

1. Rabbit on a leash!
2. Inspirational music!
3. Dog that just doesn't care.
4. Dirt hitting camera!
5. Howard! Digging! The! Best! Hole! EVER!!!!!

Thank you Disapproving Rabbits!
http://www.disapprovingrabbits.com/

I'd watch a whole movie about this man with the giant umbrella!

2008-05-24T18:09:00.000-07:00

It's so charming! (Too bad Travelers Insurance was too expensive for my car. Boo.)

Preakness 2008 in Mount Washington!

2008-05-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

Well, Preakness lived up to all my expectations. Beth arrived on Friday evening with Cardiff - yippee!! By 7 a.m. Saturday morning, Preakness revelers were already parking on the street. But the fun really began when the building management company started parking cars on our property ($20 for a blocked space, $40 for an unblocked space). Beth and I took the boys down to the front porch where we joined my neighbors Paul and Lucy to watch the gentle beginning of the day.

Here are Beth and Cardiff!

Its morning, everyone is still sober, good times all around! The gates over at Pimlico open at 8 a.m. The race is at 6:15 p.m.!

More cars! Owain kept a close eye on things!

We returned down to the front porch for our very Marylandy lunch of crabcake sandwiches. Beth had a Natty Boh, which is the nickname of Baltimore's National Bohemian Beer. Beth loved their slogan -- "From the land of pleasant living!" (You can see that they parked cars right up next to the house.)

Here are the boys that returned to their minivan midafternoon to find their car completely blocked in. Of course they paid for a blocked space, so it shouldn't have been so much of a surprise. They spent a LOT of time debating with each other about whether or not they could squeeze out between the other cars. (They couldn't)

They were really convinced they could do it. Here they are with their car wedged between two others. We overheard one of the guys say, "Dude, you're hitting BOTH cars right now! You're hitting both cars right now!" Nice.

But maybe, if we rock and move this car, we'll have enough room to get out. (So $40 gets you an unblocked space AND messed up brakes/transmission!) Hm, still not enough room....

Maybe if we move THIS car too...

They formed a little bit of a small mob with some other trapped revelers and moved some cars closer to the house too. Eventually they did manage to squeeze out. It was unfortunate and obnoxious, but there wasn't much we could do. We called the police twice, but they only drove by THREE times without stopping. By the third time, the mob had freed themselves and left.

Aside from the slight car "wilding" that hit around 3, the rest of the day was interesting and fun! We did view 11 public urinations ("You're number NINE!!!" we'd shout happily!) on the property. There was a lot of trash everywhere, but by 8:30ish just about everyone had cleared out. and we were none the worse for wear.

Here's a bit of the trashy lawn.

So Beth and I went to Miss Shirley's this morning and had a FABULOUS breakfast! It's officially a tradition now! Here are Owain and Cardiff together before Beth and Cardy hit the road. Owain sounds GREAT on video!! Check out Cardiff's paw action! "I must touch your face, Owain!! I must!!"

I hope Beth and Cardiff come back for Preakness next year -- it was so much fun!

It's Mother's Day. We love you and miss you!

2008-05-11T10:03:00.001-07:00

Smile, Darn Ya, Smile

2008-05-02T11:06:00.000-07:00

One day I was coming home from work in a very bad frame of mind. It had been a very rough day, and it came during a particularly grueling travel schedule. I pulled up to my little home, and in the mailbox was a small package. "Oh great!" I thought. "Now I've started winning things on e-bay and don't even remember bidding!" So I plodded from my car to my door and pulled out the package. I looked at the address, and it said it was from England. I got so excited! I didn't know what I had won, but it just made my day to see something had come so far to land at my door. I could hardly wait to get inside to open it. To my delight, it was a package from an old friend from whom I hadn't heard in ages. TOOTHWOMAN!

It's hard to see, but the beautiful British post mark is there.

Toothwoman is an international woman of mystery and poor dental hygiene, who was born of the "Tossing" days of CoreStates. It was oh, so lovely to hear from her.

So as we mark time between May Day and Cinco De Mayo Celebrations, let us all join in and sing a tribute to Toothwoman. C'mon everyone (to the tune of "Here Comes Santa Claus)!!!

Here comsh Toothwoman,

Right down Dyentishtry Lane......

Clickin' an' clackin, and lotsh o' lip schmackin'

She'sh almosht inshane..........

Thanks so much for joining in, even if you didn't know what the heck was going on....

Happy Toothwoman Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! click, clack

Happy Birthday, Mom! We miss you.

2008-04-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

UK: Make Me A Supermodel - its a marathon, not a sprint!

2008-04-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, it doesn't take much to entertain me with a reality show. I admit it. This may be a very rare exception. Recently, BRAVO ran a marathon of the second season of the UK's version of Make Me A Supermodel, hosted by Rachel Hunter. I programmed my DVR to record about a hundred episodes, and I proceeded to view them. Let me say this, "ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........................." I don't know if it was the pacing/editing of the show or the unbelievably dull and monotone interviews of the models, but it was BOOOOORRRIIIINNNGGG! But for some reason, I felt compelled to slog through and see who the winner would be. So over the course of two weeks, when I had some time, I'd fast forward through the boring parts (read: most of the show!) to see the pivotal moments of the show. There were a couple of somewhat interesting storylines, including the flirtation of the icy/boring Marianne and the handsome/boring Luke as well as the judges' and fellow models' brutal and continuing commentary on Jen's apparently gargantuan size 12 figure. What made that interesting was that the judges kept putting Jen in the bottom group and the UK public kept voting her back in.

So I continue trudging towards the end of the series on my DVR and I discover that I have not recorded the finale!!!!! GARGGGHHH!!! The final four were icy/boring Marianne, handsome/boring Luke, HUUUGGGGE/boring Jen and hairy/boring Albert (have I mentioned him? Boring.) So I had to look it up online to see how it ended. Marianne was eliminated first, then Jen (so she was the top girl -- Take THAT Rachel Hunter!), then Luke. So Albert was the winner. Eh.

Here are some photos:

On the left is Giantess Jen, on the right is the judges choice, Skelatal Marianne

And the winner, Albert

Please Bravo, do not air any more UK Make Me A Supermodel episodes. I beg you.

Bush's Leg

2008-04-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

I promise to stop putting up "how cute is my dog" posts, but I just got my movie viewing softward up and working. When they had the office shower for him, they gave him a t-shirt that said "I'm probably not listening to you." He probably wasn't! But the funny thing was that one of his most favorite toys when he was little was what was left of a George Bush chew toy. He carried the leg around for days. Sayles the cat is about 20 years old, so she isn't really interested in Cardiff or Bush's leg.

OH! I get it NOW!

2008-03-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

I could not figure out this commercial. Why were his clothes all shredded? Why would they hit him for Skittles? So I actually had to look it up online...

OOhh, he's a Pinata! Now it seems so obvious. Sigh. And I don't know what to think about chocolate Skittles -- it seems to fall into the YooHoo drink category -- I'm uneasy about it.

A Cardy Tale

2008-03-26T15:10:00.000-07:00

After some tough love and not-so-tough love from CG, here is finally the tale of my little Norwich companion. Colleen found the breeder and at 4 weeks we got to choose him.

I could hardly stand the excitement. Everyone knew that while I missed Miss Gibbs terribly, I was eagerly anticipating the arrival of my little Norwich. They had a shower for me at the office because I had been so quiet about expecting him.

Then we got the official notice of the time Cardiff's flight would arrive. He had to fly from Missouri to Detroit and from Detroit to Elmira. So we discovered he had been flying around for two days. The flight arrived, everyone's baggage came out, and we heard nothing about our little package. FINALLY, after about 30 minutes, we go to the ticket counter, and on the floor is the tiniest crate we have ever seen. Colleen and I both let out a groan that was a mix of relief and wonderment at the cuteosity of the tiny crate! I opened up the crate and way in the back was little (3 lbs.) Cardy. Then we realized we knew true cuteosity. He was adorable! I thought he would be traumatized from flying, but he simply looked out at me, and when I backed up from the crate, he came bounding out to explore the airport! Talk about love at first sight! I was smitten. So here are some random shots of his arrival.

He has grown quickly, gotten much more blonde (!) and has been very busy. He has come to work with me many times. Now, no one really cares if I'm at the office if I haven't brought him.

He has been invited to dinner and shown himself to be a polite yet insistent guest!

He helps with laundry.

He is a wonderful lookout.

He also loves his Elmira pals.

He LOVES the snow. I'm almost (very ALMOST) sorry the snow will be going away because he has such fun in it. We had another surprise two inches this morning simply for his frolicking pleasure!

And he wonders what I'm doing with the camera sometimes!

So that's my little guy, and I can't wait for you all to meet him in person!

Happy Easter! (Part Two!)

2008-03-22T11:10:00.000-07:00

We've been talking about how Easter wasn't such a big deal in our house, but I found this evidence to the contrary!

Wow. Just looking at the backgrounds and details of the older photos is so trippy!

This is just so wrong...

2008-03-20T13:32:00.001-07:00

Happy Easter!!

Thanks CuteOverload.com

You May Think Its All About St. Patrick's Day, But You'd Be Wrong!

2008-03-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OWAIN!!!!

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Here is a message Owain received this morning from one of his big fans (Dad!). I think it sums it up perfectly:

"As we celebrate our Irish forefathers (and foremothers), let us also celebrate the fact that eight years ago, in upper Montgomery County, there was brought forth among us a Welsh corgi without peer - adored among cats, fearless consumer of mouse poison, bane of UPS drivers, a true sweetheart of a corgi!!"

Owain is two weeks younger than Gus, one of Owain's favorite people!

Owain and more of his fan club!

Good Friends!

My intrepid traveller!

An earlier birthday (before the food allergies!)

Three friends in Baltimore!

Happy Birthday Big Guy!!!

I see a knitalong project!!!!!!

2008-03-07T20:23:00.000-08:00

Just go here.

2008-02-25T15:09:00.000-08:00

Since no one is going to comment on the Obama video, here is a funny blog post.

Mmmm, bacon........

Yes We Can!

2008-02-16T13:58:00.000-08:00

I know this is a little political. For those who disagree with the above video, I hope you'll indulge me.

The Christmas Tree

2007-12-31T08:19:00.000-08:00

I love this! It's so delightfully bizarre!

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-23T08:22:00.000-08:00

Let's just say that Winston is a VERY good sport!
Bess would have totally torn me (and anyone else close enough!) into shreds if I tried to put her in an outfit like that!!!

(and I don't think we should even mention the Michael Jackson Thriller doll. What's up with THAT!?)

Just a quick note

2007-12-21T08:49:00.001-08:00

I owe a much longer version of "Cardiff Tales" and will do a proper entry sometime soon, but I've succumbed to CG's pressure and so here's an updated photo of my little buddy. He attended our office's Birthday/Holiday party and charmed everyone. He managed to sneak a taste of canoli. He licked off his whiskers, ran to the table and looked at me as if to say "What's up with you - you never give me anything good like this." So my rep as Cruella DeVille was cemented.

Also, the stockings for CG's whole Baltimore crew were awesome. And they look so lovely hung with care.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas...

2007-12-16T13:02:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I've been feeling a little blue about the whole Christmas thing this year. In the past, I have LOVED Christmas -- I love decorating, celebrating, the carols, the neighbors' lights, being with my family. This year, of course, has had different vibe. I'm in Baltimore, Dad is in Wayne, Mom isn't here, the house belongs to someone else. So when it comes to decorating I've been feeling a little like, "what's the point?"

Until I got these in the mail on Friday. -- Beautiful personalized stockings for me AND my pets!!

The person who sent these shall remain nameless (CATHY! THE BEST FRIEND A GIRL CAN HAVE!!!) It was so thoughtful and caring. She knows what a tough time I'm having. So I couldn't have these beautiful Christmas stockings and not make the most of them. I went out yesterday, bought a tree, and VOILA!

This is the first artificial tree I've ever had, and I kind of like it! It set up pretty easily, and I don't have to water it!

Remember these?

The Bess Angel Ornament

The Bess Shopping Ornament

And one of my favorites, the little weird pink-haired ornament!

It's still a tough adjustment, but knowing that I have a friend like Cathy makes everything a little easier.

A Swimming Sloth??? A SWIMMING SLOTH???? Who knew?

2007-12-12T14:50:00.000-08:00

Since we may never see adorable photos of Mr. Cardiff, I will post this from Cuteoverload.com.

Hm...

Where is Cardiff??

2007-11-17T12:02:00.001-08:00

We want pictures!!

Owain's New Friend

2007-11-10T14:30:00.000-08:00

Here are some not-so-great cell phone photos of Owain playing next door with Zoe. She is a 7-year-old Rhodesian Ridgeback. She's very sweet. But the two of them run and wrestle -- its great!

And here is my nosy-parker boy expecting to be let in to my neighbor's house!

Name That Tune!

2007-11-06T13:46:00.000-08:00

Ok, i think this is post-worthy with just the video, but add the "tune" and it just must be posted. I can't tell you how much I love this song! It's so wrong that it's right.

What the heck is going on here?!?!

2007-10-30T14:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, this has so many things going for it:
1. Kerrazzy cat haircuts!
2. Stoic karate pose by the cat on the left.
3. Cat on the right batting at karate cat's paw!
4. And the finale. Watch and you shall see!

Resistance is Futile!

2007-10-27T05:15:00.000-07:00

I couldn't be any more excited. We just got this new picture of Cardiff and official information about his flight. He's such a jet-setter already. He'll be here November 9. I might go insane just looking at him! Is he off the Cute-osity scale or what???!!!!

Hee hee!

2007-10-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

Vegas, Baby, Vegas!!!

2007-09-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

You all know the famous slogan “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Well, since I’m no distant relative of Bugsy Segal, a crime scene investigator, or an NBC casino owner, I think I can share what a fabulous vacation I had in “Sin City.” There are some scandalous things which I suppose might be better left unreported had I partaken (“card flickers” as they are known, are out all day offering discount tickets into sex and strip clubs. I was too jet-lagged to go! hee, hee). However, being the intrepid explorer that I am, I was able to find the nude bathing areas of both the Flamingo and the Mirage. Of course, in Vegas they are called “European bathing areas.”

We stayed at the Flamingo, started by my pal Bugsy when the strip first got going. Toni Braxton was the headliner, and here you can see how she is publicized by a bigger than life photo on the side of the hotel. Had I known that was what she needed it for, I might have been a little more reluctant to lend her my dress when she rushed up and asked me for it. It was beautiful with live flamingos walking the grounds and everything.

Colleen and I had a blast visiting as many casinos as possible. As far as gambling, I won, let’s see hmmmmm, this plus this minus this equals…oh, yeah, absolutely nothing! However, at one casino for Monday Night Football even though we lost all our bets, we won every raffle. Really, EVERY raffle. We won Riddel miniature helmets of both the Redskins and the Eagles (two separate drawings that we each won), we won a Miller Game Time T-shirt, and we won a supah-pizzazz Miller steel cooler. Good thing you don't have to like Miller to win! I guess I have to amend that; the only thing we didn’t win were jerseys that were also up for raffle. McNabb’s and some who cares Redskin! And what a shame that was. The guy who won looked at his friend and said “which one should I take.” And his friend said “I guess McNabb’s.” I guess????? Oh, how wrong! But we were pretty happy to haul all of our Monday Night Football booty up to the room.

One night we went to the water and light show that the Bellagio puts on. It was pretty spectacular. Thanks to Colleen for handling photography duty as I am apparently blind and can’t tell all my pictures were out of focus! The water actually danced along with the tunes they played. You must go to Vegas and see it so that this description makes sense!

We had a late lunch at Bobby Flay’s Mesa Grill one day. The bartender, Ephraim is our new best friend. His margaritas were to die for, and the food was absolutely delicious!

Then I got a blister and had to go get some shoes.

All in all it was a pretty spectacular vacation. Just what I needed. It was so great to have no time constraints, no schedule, no rules and no work! Colleen and her folks were terrific to travel with – all three of them are also much luckier gamblers than I. I highly recommend a trip there, because even though I never had Las Vegas on my list of places I MUST go, I now know why it is such a Mecca for more than gamblers.

As if my stupendous vacation wasn’t enough to blow my mind with joy, excitement and fun, I got word right before I left that my new little buddy Cardiff, a baby Norwich terrier, was born. Along with Colleen, Max and Ollie (the dogs), Sammy, Sayles and Q ( the cats), our little bi-city family will expand by one in November. Cardiff is going to be a Liberty resident with me. I can hardly wait!!! Miss Gibbs and Thor would approve.

I LOVE this dog!!!

2007-09-08T14:22:00.000-07:00

Wow, I totally needed to see this video today.

Quite Possibly The Cutest Thing Ever

2007-09-03T14:06:00.000-07:00

May I present Capers, the baby otter. I believe this was filmed at some sort of rescue facility. Notice his little undulating tum when he's floating on the water!!

Fences and liberals make good neighbors!

2007-08-31T13:31:00.000-07:00

This is in front of my neighbor's house. They live about 4 houses down the block. They also have a peace symbol flag on their front porch. I have not met them, but I love them! No one touches the easel. They change the message every once in a while. For a while it had something about how many billions of dollars have been spent so far on the war, then it said "Pro America, Anti Bush." The Gonzales message obviously was put up this week.

I can't help but think how much Mom would have loved this!

My Day Yesterday

2007-08-25T05:20:00.000-07:00

This is what I stared at for almost three hours yesterday.

I went to the DMV to get my Maryland license. It was a loooonnng wait which included a lot of interesting people, like the old, stinky man that sat down next to me and promptly fell asleep and started leaning. I decided to get up and walk around at this point. The photo was taken about two and a half hours in. I was number A133. When I first sat down it was at A84. Sigh. Anyway, it all worked out. I've got my new license and I'm registered to vote.

And more pet photos. Here is my other seating option in the living room. As you can see, Vivian has decided that this is HER favorite chair. Who's in charge here?!?!?! (Clearly, not me!!!)

The Tale of the Red Couch by the Window

2007-08-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

Clearly I finally am able to upload photos to my computer! Here is the first of several photo-oriented posts!

They do enjoy a comfy perch!

A Blast (or Post) From the Past

2007-08-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

I thought to lighten things up a little, I'd repost one of the earliest entries on this blog. Ah, remember when we were all so young and innocent?? Enjoy:

November 17, 2005

I was talking to Mom'o'us tonight about the joys of bacon -- telling her about your friend's blog where she said "If I was a vegan, I'd still eat bacon." (I almost wrote, "If I was a bacon..." WA HA HA!!!) Anyway, so I was sharing with Mom the first time I had an egg salad with bacon sandwich. Yummm!!!! I'll set the scene. It was probably 6 years ago (did I tell you this? Oh well.) and I was working a temp job at GE Insurance where they had a giant cafeteria. So the person in front of me at the sandwich station orders an egg salad with bacon sandwich. My eyes widen at the thought. I'd never heard of such a magnificent idea! But of course, it makes sense -- bacon and eggs. But on a sandwich? So I quickly ordered the same thing and hurried to my table (I'm glad I was by myself this day, preventing anyone I knew from witnessing my total sandwich gooniness!) Sigh. It was as good as I had hoped. Mmmmm. I had to keep myself from getting the cholesteral-busting meal every single day! I actually haven't had one in a long time as its a bit labor intensive when someone isn't preparing it for you. But it was definitely a red-letter day.

"Oh no! Not the long orchestrion again!"

Kind of what this last year has felt like...

2007-08-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a lesson here.

2007-08-02T13:33:00.000-07:00

I found this clip of these little ducklings learning how to swim.

I guess sometimes you just have to jump in even when it seems a little scary!

My latest driving test

2007-07-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

I had a pop driving test recently. Diana and Gus and I went to IKEA and I was driving. After a few minutes, Gus informed me that he was giving me a driver's test. I wasn't sure what he meant until the piece of paper below was passed up to the front seat.

My examiner told me that an X meant I failed that portion and a check meant I passed. So my first X was for starting -- in my defense, I haven't driven a stick shift in a long time, so I did sort of pop it in to gear. The second X was for my seatbelt -- I was wearing it the whole time, but I did adjust it at a traffic light. This is apparently a violation of driving rules. And the last X, for "not speeding," I just have to take responsibility for. I am a little bit of a lead foot. I will have to try harder.

I'm keeping it on the fridge to remind me to follow the rules of the road. Thanks, Gus, for keeping me safe!

Could you imagine a kitten doing this to Bess?? Kitten is SITTING ON THE CAT's HEAD!

2007-07-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

And Good Morning To You, Diana!

2007-07-17T05:59:00.000-07:00

That is Cinnamon Life for breakfast! Thanks, dear sister, for the beautiful bowls!

Well we made it through the night, sort of. Earl's nocturnal side really kicked into gear around 3 a.m. He just never stop moving and noisily exploring the apartment. And when I would try to quietly scold him, my deputy would bark. Sigh. So I'm a little tired this morning.

The cats seem to be enjoying the apartment -- they haven't been nervous or skitterish at all. Owain has been a very good boy -- he hasn't barked much at all. But he is being VERY vigilant about me at ALL times (the cats too, for that matter.) There are only three rooms, but whenever I get up and move, all three of them are right at my heels.

I have to run some errands today -- I hope Owain's head doesn't explode from the worry (and I hope he doesn't cry and yowl!) I'll have to keep my excursions very short.

Thats it from Charm City!

Settling in...

2007-07-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is MOVING DAY!

2007-07-10T05:07:00.000-07:00

Look at Our Guys!

2007-07-09T18:52:00.000-07:00

We may be zero-ing in on 10,000 losses, but our Phillies have class!

Happy Birthday To Meeee!!

2007-07-07T07:36:00.001-07:00

Here I am doing my Summer Birthday Dance on the beach in Ocean City, oh so many years ago!